By 
It’s one of life’s damnedest tricks. When we are most overwhelmed and in need of support, we are most likely to stop all forms of self-care.
You’ve probably heard this term come up a lot over the past few years. Self-care. It’s all in the name. According to the American Psychological Association, self-care refers to “activities required for personal care, such as eating, dressing, or grooming, that can be managed by an individual without the assistance of others.”
As a licensed psychotherapist, I can tell you this: self-care won’t solve every problem, but it will surely make those problems easier to deal with.
It sounds simple enough, but when a person is depressed, anxious, or scattered, these activities might go by the wayside. Depending on how the day is going, being told to take a shower might be like getting asked to run a marathon. Sometimes, one may not even be able to imagine what self-care looks like.
Still, research shows that self-care is incredibly effective at reducing stress. This can be an important step—chronic stress not only dampens a person’s quality of life, but also comes with a whole smorgasbord of negative health consequences.
Given self-care’s importance, it’s worth spending time imagining what that will look like for you. After all, the idea of “personal care” will look different for everyone. Keep reading and see if any of these three major strategies is useful.
Addressing Your Basic Needs is Self-Care
Sleep
What’s the first thing you do after an incredibly stressful event, like a taking a big test? You may go home and pass out in bed.
The body boosts into a heightened state when confronted with a stressor. The adrenaline gets pumping. Thoughts race. That all takes energy. It’s very common that people feel exhausted afterward.
The need for sleep is not just a crisis response, though. Few things determine the state of our mental health more than sleep. Catching Z’s looks different for everyone, but for most people, 7-9 hours per night is going to be most rejuvenating. Make your bedtime as sleep-friendly as possible to ensure you maximize your rest.
Diet
“You are what you eat.” That old saying carries more weight than you might think.
When feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or anxious, one might feel tempted to eat the smallest or most convenient scrap available. Zapping a Hot Pocket in the microwave for the third straight meal might feel like a compromise toward taking some pressure off yourself. You might see visions of your doctor shaking their head at you disappointedly, but hey, you’ve gotta eat, right?
Here’s the thing. Nutrition doesn’t just maintain a healthy weight. Our brains and bodies need those good proteins, fats, and fibers to operate at full capacity. These components are our fuel. You don’t give your car unfiltered gasoline and expect it to run well, do you?
For some, the process of cooking a good meal might be an act of self-care in itself. But for all the plebian non-chefs out there like myself, it can seem more like work. Still, I’d argue that it’s important to drag yourself into the kitchen and prep a nutritious meal. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, this work is self-care because you’ll ultimately feel better, think more sharply, and be more prepared to take on the day’s stress.
Exercise
Exercise is one of the best forms of self-care. Research shows it’s incredibly helpful for improving our working memory and managing our emotions. The endorphins that pump into our blood may put us in a better mood, too.
When possible, try to do an exercise you like. Finding a running buddy, a racquetball tournament, or an amateur soccer league is ideal. Make the process of exercise fun and fulfilling, and you may feel more excited to work out.
On the other hand, maybe convenience is a bigger draw. Joining a nearby gym, or even setting up a mini work out studio in your home, might make it easier to spare a half hour to get your body moving.
At the end of the day, the point is doing whatever you can to exercise.
By the way, do you see the pattern here? Biological needs like sleep, diet, and exercise are well understood to be important for losing weight, but they have profound impacts on mental health, too. A general rule of thumb: what’s good for you body is good for your brain.
Medication
Another biological necessity. Maintaining our body’s functioning is crucial self-care. For example, if you take psychotropic medication like an antidepressant, it can be quite disruptive and even dangerous to go off it suddenly.
Consider diabetes. Taking insulin consistently is essential for a diabetic person’s health. If they miss doses, their blood sugar may fluctuate and they might feel nauseous or restless. Low sugar levels are also associated with exhaustion, which people sometimes confuse with sudden onset of depression. For a diabetic person, taking their insulin is excellent self-care.
If you need to take a medication for your health, do it. Work with your doctor to figure out the best plan for you, and try to be as consistent with the prescription as possible.
Hygiene
Keeping good hygiene is important self-care on two levels.
Let’s start with the medical part. Hygiene practices can prevent health issues from cropping up later. Brushing your teeth protects against cavities. Cleaning your face can prevent greasy buildup that triggers acne. And after living through the age of coronavirus, we should all appreciate the value of washing our hands to stave off infections.
There’s the emotional part, too. For example, a warm shower can wash off the day’s bad juju and send it swirling down the drain. There’s something inherently therapeutic about investing the time to clean and care for yourself.
Socialize
In college, a professor told me “humans and relationships are like fish and water. They need them to survive.”
Some of us may be introverts, others might be extroverts, but the fact remains: human beings are social creatures. Our warmest and fuzziest memories are often defined by who was around us in those special moments. If you won the lottery, your first instinct might be to call and tell a loved one. If you got laid off, you very well may seek support from a friend or family member.
Interacting with others may not seem like a “need,” but the science is clear. With extremely few exceptions, there is an innate hunger for us to be around others. One of the first skills a baby develops after birth is the ability to recognize faces. Socializing is built into our brain. A lack of it can even have poor medical outcomes. Isolation is even associated with increased risks of dementia, heart disease, and stroke.
All of this is to say that you should never overlook the importance of relationships in your life. Hanging out with people you care about is one of the best forms of self-care out there.
Return to Self-Care That’s Worked Before
If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
Nobody knows you like you do. You’ve lived this many years in your own skin. I bet you’ve had periods of time where you’ve engaged in great self-care.
Think back to better times. Times in which you were happier, or maybe getting along easier. What was different? What did you look forward to? How did your self-care look like then?
Good self-care goes by the wayside all the time. Sometimes circumstances change and we lose touch with those fulfilling activities. If you love singing and move away from your local choir, there’s now a logistical obstacle between you and your passion. Furthermore, when we’re stressed out, we sometimes forget altogether about what energizes us. Sometimes we even intentionally ditch those forms of self-care, thinking we don’t have the bandwidth.
Consider what’s been good self-care for you in the past. It might be worth reconnecting with old hobbies or friends that you’ve lost touch with. As your life circumstances change and different demands and constraints are placed on you, you may need to redefine what it takes to engage in that type of self-care. This takes some effort, but if this activity helped you before, it may well do so again.
You may also consider your environment. Were you functioning better when you were around a bunch of people? Then it’s worth thinking through how to get more social. On the other hand, if you find yourself pining for some alone time, then it’s time to start figuring out ways to make that happen.
Avoid Unhealthy “Self-Care”
Not every coping skill we use is healthy. It’s important to evaluate what was ultimately unhelpful to you in the past and take steps that you don’t repeat past mistakes.
The most obvious example is substance abuse. It’s a cruel irony that one of the quickest ways to feel better is the most dangerous. Drugs like heroin may stamp out pain, or alcohol might wash away your inhibitions. In moments of distress, these substances might seem like viable short-term fixes. Self-medicating like this carries loads of baggage, though. Addictions develop, and people can quickly lose control of the situation. The consequences can hit all corners of a person’s life. Medical, emotional, social, occupational, spiritual…
A less visible example might be jumping into a relationship. Of course, having a good partner is a beautiful thing, but that in and of itself is not self-care. That’s energy not being put into yourself and filling your own inner resources. Sometimes people imagine that finding the right person will solve all their problems, but this is a dangerous notion, tricking people to jump into relationships, regardless of the quality or compatibility of the person.
Examine the term self-care one more time. What are you caring for again? The self. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect you’d wish upon your most trusted friend.
New Self-Care, Who This?
It’s always a good idea to add to your self-care toolkit. There are a million forms of self-care out there, and it can be fun trying out different ideas and seeing what works for you.
There are a variety of evidence-based practices you could implement into your routine to better manage your stress. For example, mindfulness and meditation are wonderful ways to carve out some peace for yourself. Reciting a prayer can help engage and develop your spirituality, if that’s an area that holds meaning to you.
Examine what’s worked for you before, and try an adjacent hobby. Did you love ballet growing up? Maybe it’d feel good to jump back into it. Or, you might consider joining a jazz or hip-hop class to enjoy a similar, yet incredibly different experience. Do you like working with your hands? Try out carpentry and see what kind of furniture you can build.
One of the most uncomfortable options may be the most fruitful. Try doing something outside of your comfort zone. Learn a language. Take up computer programming and create your own, rudimentary video game. Crochet a scarf. Hit the tennis courts. If you’re not in a pandemic, travel to unfamiliar cities and countries. Heck, why don’t you start a blog?
There’s a vast world around you. Take advantage and expand the boundaries of your self-care.
Conclusion
Self-care is not just important in maintaining physical and emotional health. It’s essential to a person’s quality of life.
Take care of your basic needs. Reincorporate strategies that worked for you before. Try something new. While I can’t tell you what’s going to be your best self-care, I have given you a map to start that search on your own.
I find that it’s often helpful to monitor your daily activities and, consequently, how you’re feeling while doing them. In my experience, this practice can help you better reflect on what is helpful self-care, and where there may be some gaps to fill in. I’ve built a free worksheet for you to do this all on your own. Subscribe to my email list and you’ll get this tool, as well as occasional updates featuring the site’s newest content.
What kind of self-care has been helpful for you? Please share in the comments below. And if you liked this article, please consider sharing it with somebody who might benefit from it.
